Do you find yourself constantly dwelling on the past events of your life?
Do you feel sad and remorseful when you think about your past?
ie:
Situations You Felt that You Could Have Handled Better
Feelings of Hurt and Resentment
Regret at The Loss Of Time and Missed Opportunity
Misplaced Priorities
Disappointments, Denial, Delay etc
Do you often wish you could turn back the hands of time to make well-informed decisions and make up for lost time?
If the above thoughts and feelings sound like you, I assure you that all hope is not lost.
Everyone has a past of some sort.
We are constantly evolving as we go through life. We always seem to find ourselves in various types of situations and scenarios.
As human beings, we build memories and experiences from the time that we are born and all through the various stages of our lives.
Some memories could be positive and some negative and either of these types of memories can play a huge part in how we view ourselves, our identity, our perception of life, our mindset, how we function, how we behave, how we develop, manage our relationships and how we ultimately carry ourselves.
Remember this: A life without a past is inevitable. What matters though, is how you deal with the circumstances and realities of your past and what becomes of you as you go through the process. (Yewi Taiwo)
You can move on from your past and live joyfully in the present. It all starts and ends in the Mind. Yewi Taiwo
Here is Google’s Definition of the Past: “Gone by in time and no longer existing”
It is called the Past for a reason.
It is a past memory, a forgotten chapter, a moment which can no longer be retrieved. Yewi Taiwo
A Painful Past could be classified as a time of:
Vulnerability
Ignorance
Lack of Control
Confinement
Mistakes
Procrastination
Broken Relationship
Loss of a Loved One
Grief
Doubt
Poor Decisions
Anger
Anxiety
In-Experience
Disappointment
Youthful Exuberance
Abuse
Mis-Alignment
Remember This: You can’t do much about the past, because it now remains in the past.
But you can be intentional about embracing change, by learning lessons from your past and taking positive steps to move on and create a fulfilling and purposeful life for yourself.
The Past is Behind, Learn from it. The Future is Ahead, Prepare for it. The Present is Here, Live it. Thomas S. Monson
Below Are 12 Key Reasons Why You Can’t Seem To Let Go Of Your Hurtful Past
1. You Are Still Hurting From Pain And Regret
Feeling hurt is one of the key reasons for your inability to move on or forget about your past.
When you feel hurt, it means that you are still experiencing pain or regret which could be as a result of i.e. a messy Break-Up, Grief from the Death of a Loved one, or being let down or disappointed by friends or family members.
Another reason why you feel hurt could be because you are still holding on to grudges towards the situation or the individual who may have hurt you.
2. You Need Closure
This one is so true.
Needing closure is one of the reasons why you might still find it difficult to forget about your past.
Yes, You need clarifications, you need answers to your questions of Why, When, How, and What.
You constantly feel the need to sit and talk to clarify and address issues or concerns with the other party.
You may need to express your thoughts and voice out your anger towards the other party to let them know how you truly feel.
You might also want to listen to their feedback or their reasons for their actions or inactions as this would help you gain adequate closure.
Gaining closure is very crucial to letting go of the past, as it gives you an understanding of why things turned out the way they did, and in the process, you can achieve emotional completeness and satisfaction which will ultimately help you heal and move on.
3. You Are Yet To Forgive Yourself And Those Who Have Hurt You
Yes, you heard right. You need to forgive those who hurt you.
Forgiveness isn’t just a mandate from God Ephesians 4: 32, it is paramount to your emotional, spiritual and mental freedom.
When you hold on to grudges, misunderstandings, hurt and disappointment, you are also hurting yourself in the process and denying yourself inner peace and joy.
Unforgiveness does more harm than good and it doesn’t add any value whatsoever to your life.
Unforgiveness can hurt your Mental Health, Well-Being, your Thoughts, your Demeanour and your outlook on life.
It could also cause chronic illnesses if not adequately addressed over time.
Forgiving those who have hurt you in one way or another doesn’t mean that you are stupid or naïve; it simply means that you are wise and that you possess a high level of emotional intelligence and know how to use it to your positive advantage.
It shows that you have the power within you to let go and learn from the situation and not let it hold you down.
Forgiveness puts you in a position of power and admiration.
It brings unity and peace where relevant.
You can re-align yourself, set healthy and established boundaries; and shield yourself adequately from similar experiences.
4. You Are Emotionally Attached
Emotions are psychological and can be expressed by way of feelings, behaviours, thoughts and decisions.
Depending on the situation or experiences of your past, being emotionally attached to the individual or the situation i.e. from having shared experiences, intimacy, trust, etc these experiences
This is because you are attached to the individual or situation emotionally, by way of strong feelings, commitment, connections, being reliant for emotional fulfilment, support security
could lead to a sense of emotional stability and belonging towards the other party or situation.
And as a result, could make it difficult for you to let go or forget about the past.
5. You Want Them Back
This is usually a strong desire to rekindle a relationship or connection with the individual or situation by way of longing for their presence, companionship, how they make you feel or how you feel around them.
At this point, it doesn’t matter to you if it is realistic or right to be with that person or in that situation.
You just want them back in your life because you can’t imagine breaking ties with the individual or situation despite previous signs, challenges or differences you might have experienced with them.
At this point, the only way out is to do all that you possibly can to get them back.
Extreme cases of this kind of feelings or state of mind i.e. after a break-up or the loss of a friend or loved one could manifest as being in denial, grief, stalking, self-harm, drinking, emotional breakdown etc
6. You Didn’t See It Coming
Another key reason why you might find it difficult to forget about the past or move on is if you are in a state of shock, disbelief, or bewilderment because you didn’t notice any of the red flags, or warning signs and it all just happened suddenly.
Here, you might need some time to process things, to reflect, to connect the dots and to heal from the shock and pain.
You might have uncovered some crucial information, uncovered the truth, it could be that you have come to the realisation of certain misconceptions and you are trying to re-capture the memories and events.
The above reasons could make it difficult to forget about the past and possibly move on.
7. You Are Struggling To Pick Up The Pieces Of Your Life
This is a very common reason why people find it challenging to move forward or rebuild their lives after experiencing loss, setback or a messy break-up or divorce.
Your identity, status, lifestyle and commitment have been built over time with this individual or situation and all of a sudden the relationship, fond memories, investments, time spent together and experiences you have built have suddenly come to an end.
You feel stuck; you begin to wonder how to move on.
You might begin to feel some sort of confusion or uncertainty about the future.
You feel lonely, incapable, you feel somewhat incomplete like you have lost a part of yourself.
You begin to wonder how to start all over again and this this could be a very emotionally draining and stressful moment for you.
8. You Fear Change
The fear of change is also one of the major reasons why you find it difficult to move on and forget about your past.
Most especially if you didn’t see it coming.
You will most likely have developed set patterns and behaviours, built a lifestyle, and felt some level of security in your past life, but the reality of a sudden loss, death of a loved one or heartbreak could make you feel all alone and the fear of facing uncertainty and not being able to predict what the future holds for you.
The thought of facing new or unfamiliar situations from what you have been used to over the years could cause fear, panic and anxiety.
9. You Keep Blaming Yourself And Others
Yes, this is so true for most of us.
We tend to apportion the blame to ourselves or others because we feel it is the ideal thing to do and it’s just convenient to blame someone for the issue at hand.
Yes, someone needs to be held responsible for the situation we find ourselves in.
This isn’t to say that you can’t hold people accountable for their actions or inactions, the issue here is focusing so much on the “blame game” that it rids you of the ability to reflect on the lessons you could learn from the situation and how not to indulge or make the same mistakes again.
Blaming yourself of the other party wouldn’t help the situation and would only make you sad and miserable in the long run because your thoughts and emotions are focused solely on who to hold responsible for how you feel and the situation at hand and by doing this you lose sight of how to accept and learn from it.
10. Not Accepting Reality
Being Realistic is the best thing you can do for yourself especially in these times that we live in.
When you think and act realistically, it means that you are practical and sensible when assessing situations you may be faced with without any form of illusion, denial or bias involved.
Being realistic and practical about how you view and handle your life and relationships enables you to display a high level of emotional intelligence towards yourself, your relationships and the situations around you.
By being realistic you are honest and practical towards life and you can make well-thought-out decisions at every given point.
You can identify and acknowledge when you are right or wrong when to let go, when to set boundaries and when to move on.
11. You Constantly Compare Your Past With Your Present
Comparing your past to your present is one of the core reasons why individuals struggle to let go of their past.
They have refused to move on and be sincere with themselves.
No two individuals and situations are the same and trying to make comparisons and using your experience of your past to compare two different people or situations just won’t cut it.
It’s like running a rat race.
The bottom line is that you would never be truly happy and at peace with yourself.
By constantly wishing and comparing your past to your present, you remain in denial, unhappy, discontent and un yielding which could sabotage your present circumstance and you will most likely lose on both sides as no one wants to be with someone who is constantly looking backwards on everything.
When you do this you give off negativity and an unwillingness to accept your fate and move on.
You will be constantly stuck in the past and you will never truly enjoy nor appreciate the present.
12. Self Pity
Self-pity gets overlooked but is so important and one of the core reasons you find it difficult to move on.
You feel pity for yourself for all the things you have experienced. You believe that life hasn’t been fair to you and you tend to make this a focal point each time you meditate or reflect.
Consciously or unconsciously you begin to develop a mindset of the victim and you carry this belief everywhere with you.
Life truly isn’t fair and certain things happen to us that we do not plan for but the key thing to remember is that what doesn’t break you will only make you stronger.
There’s a saying which goes thus “When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade out of it”.
This simply means being optimistic rather than pessimistic
Try to see the cup half full rather than half empty.
Make a conscious decision to develop a positive mindset even when you are faced with difficult situations.
All you have left is you, so endeavour to love and care for yourself.
Learn to accept your mistakes, learn to forgive yourself and be good to yourself.
Believe in yourself, improve upon yourself, apply self-care techniques and confess positive affirmations to empower and remind yourself of your value and self-worth!
13 Reasons Why Your Past Keeps Haunting You Yewi Taiwo
In Conclusion
The above 13 reasons are why most individuals struggle to let go of their past.
Letting go of your past requires courage, time and a renewed mindset.
Change is inevitable and the only constant thing in life is change.
Therefore, it is essential to give yourself time to reflect, heal, obtain closure and learn relevant lessons where possible.
This would help reshape you and give you the strength and clarity you need to gather the pieces of your life and move on gracefully.
Please Remember This:
Everyone deserves happiness and freedom in life. Anything that keeps you from experiencing joy and liberty should be addressed appropriately to ensure that you regain full control of your life.
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You can move on from your past and live joyfully in the present. It all starts and ends in the Mind. Yewi Taiwo
